


following sophie

by avapacifica



Series: October Writing Challenge 2019 [8]
Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Angst, Arkham Asylum, Death, F/M, Guns, Hospitals, Memory Alteration, Murder, Psychological Drama, Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-28 00:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avapacifica/pseuds/avapacifica
Summary: his relationship with Sophie is different each time he tells it





	following sophie

**Author's Note:**

> Day 8: Memory  
Joker is fucking with my head. Like jeez, I can't stop thinking about it. I made this though, so enjoy!

Arthur doesn’t know what’s real anymore. Life is more fun that way, with reality twisting and bending to fit the illusion of how he wants it to be, until all that’s left is a distorted version that he can be satisfied with. He doesn’t know what’s real anymore, but that’s fine with him.

Except when it comes to Sophie. Memories linger through the cracks in his mind, and he wishes he knew which were real, which weren’t. There’s no way to know now either, because he killed her, Gigi too. 

Or did he?

He supposes he doesn’t know. He should’ve gotten arrested, he was already a suspect. He doesn’t remember shooting them, he only remembers the scent of death. They’re dead, he decides. It’s not what he wants, but it’s what he’s chosen.

The elevator feels years behind him, watching Sophie pretend to shoot herself, only because her child was asking a question. It didn’t seem very motherly, yet what would Arthur know. Either way, he had thought back to that moment often. Did he bring that gun made of fingers to her temple? He must’ve imagined that, but she had been nice to him. That’s how it went of course. 

Fleshing out his relationship with Sophie is helpful. While it may not be authentic to Gotham police records, it’s his reality. After all, everyone has their own account of events. No one can say his are wrong just because they’re different. The cops may have written down their version of things, but whether something is official or not is something humans made up. When everything goes to shit (which it will, Arthur’s sure of that), whatever documents exist, simply won’t matter anymore.

The kiss is real, realer than anything he’d felt when on meds. He had felt her body pressed up against his, he had felt her kiss back. Sophie had loved him, that’s all there is to it. Arthur had went into her apartment, taken her into his arms, and loved her like he had never loved anyone before. That was how it was. He knows the last time he went into her place she didn’t know it was him, but hey, every story needs some plot holes.

That’s all life is. A story. 

She wasn’t in the hospital with him, because he was never in the hospital at all. That place was too bright for his liking. He’d say there are bad memories, but there aren’t really. His mother died there, that much he knows. But that’s all it is to him, a place he’s never visited.

The comedy club was real, he wouldn’t be in Arkham right now without it. He performed amazingly, Sophie said she had wished she could’ve been there, but she hadn’t been, not really. Something came up, and she couldn’t make it. That’s alright though, he had forgiven her. 

They had been on a walk at some point, she had said something about the subway murders. But after she had complimented him, he had admitted to doing it. Yes, that’s how it went. He had told her it had been him, and she had loved him anyways. She had kissed him right then and there, she had loved who he was becoming. When he killed those guys, when he kissed her, he had felt strong. Telling her it was him, and Sophie loving him for it. Arthur had felt like God. Maybe he was, just look at what he had done to Gotham.

Finding the imagery to kill Sophie in his mind was tough, he had never killed someone he loved before. He had walked into her apartment, sat on the couch. She had come out, told him he couldn’t be there because Gigi had to go to sleep. She would sleep all right. Arthur had pretended to shoot himself, but of course she didn’t understand. That moment in the elevator had never really happened. Perhaps it was only a warning. A warning she hadn’t taken. So he shot her, Gigi too. 

He misses her, that’s what good boyfriends are supposed to do. So he mourns. He tells the next psychiatrist that comes in this story. Of course all the other “truths” are there, the ones they want to hear. But he talks about Sophie, like he always does. It’s a vital part of the story after all, even if she didn’t end up with him in the end. She gave her life so Arthur could become Joker. 

In this timeline at least. In some she’s still alive. In some Arthur is still Arthur, still living with his mom, still a fucking child performer. These stories he keeps to himself though. Not only would an Arkham worker not accept them as fact, they don’t deserve to hear the glory of these other Arthurs, these other Sophies. Only Joker gets to know these, he’s the only one that deserves the full story, the only one who will ever know it.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is confusing, but then again the movie was confusing as hell. Drop a comment if you feel like it, it'd make my day!


End file.
